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bigboyiej
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Name: Josh
Country: United States
State: Pennsylvania
Metro: Pittsburgh
Birthday: 1/29/1984
Gender: Male
Interests: Chior and Singing, Will and Grace, Golden Girls, Queer as Folk, Angels in America, Pi Nu Epsilon, Hayden Christensen, Hanging out with friends (all I do)
Expertise: My expertise is having a vast knowlage of shit that doesnt matter :)
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  BigBoyieJ
Member Since:
12/9/2004
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| Life comes at you fast. If I've learned anything from 4 years of
college, I've learned that. Life is about decision making, and the
scary part is the thought of making the wrong decision. When I was a
little boy my Mom said what all moms say, "You can be whatever you want
when you grow up". The sad thing about that is, its a lie. But its not
a complete lie. Obviously I cant be President of the United States, the
probablility of that is extreamly unlikely. However, I can still try to
be the President of the USA. Thats the difference, you might fail along
the way but you got a shot. So the saying should be changed to "You can
TRY to be whatever you want when you grow up." I bet your saying what
does this have to do with anything Josh? Well I know now at this time,
I have many decisions to make and I might have to try a few things out.
Life is not finite and you dont have to know what you are going to do
for the rest of your life at 22. So I dont know what I want to do for
the rest of my life. I dont know what I'm suppose to do. Thats what I
need to find out. And I dont care if I am about to graduate, I'm going
to take as much time as I want. (That was really for Trudy.) But a
message for those that I lean on, I'm going to need you...and I'm going
to breakdown. Cause now, at the place I'm in...I dont know what is up
from down. Its funny, you think after you get a diploma its all going
to make sense. Maybe sometimes it does, but sometimes, as in this time,
it makes everything more complicated. I dont know what to do, and I
dont know what I want. Thats the story. I'm in the middle of rush hour
and I'm hoping my exit will come up soon, and I'm hoping that I get off
at the right one.
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| Words I never thought I would say: Spain taught me things. It was
really fun for one, but it was also showed me allot. Like I know even
more that Andrea Dippner will be my best friend for life! She was so
much fun and I could never ask for a better roomie! I cant think of
more times that we've laughed at each other. Looking back those were
the best times of the trip, me and her just hanging out with each
other! I love my bestest. Going to Spain also taught me how much I am
an American and how much I love that fact. I would NEVER live in
another country, this trip made that crystal clear. I like how America
works, and I like that I can go somewhere and not have to pay for
water. I learned that I can ride a plane without dying. Now there are
times that I am on a plane and think I'm going to die....but then I'm
ok. I just grab the seat in front of me and pray. I learned that I know
more Spanish then I thought. And can get by pretty well, even though
every time I would mess up Andrea would be right there to see it. And I
think that I also said to a person "I'm reading" instead of "I'm just
looking" while in a store. I learned that I HATE FLAN! I dont know who
came up with it...but its disgusting. Its called a sundae
Spain...please learn how to make them. I learned that I love European
ice cream...holy fuck was it good. I like got some every chance I
could. I learned that I have a new appreciation for olive oil. I wasnt
a huge fan but now I am...put some of that on bread, oh yeah. Other
than the ice cream and break with olive oil...the rest of the food
sucked....EW WA. Gross beyond every measure. I dont want to see any
pork product for a long time. I learned that I love some of the
madrigal people alot more, and that they are very cool people. The
times I had with them were awesome, but even more so I got closer with
Andrea and Kevin and learned what true blue friends they really are. I
also learned that getting drunk with the mads is one hell of a good
time! HAHA. And that the British ROCK. Josh....Josh....Josh! I'll tell
you what people, karaoke has never been that fun. I learned that sadly,
you cant count on some people and that they will never be what you want
them to be. They'll use you and use you till they cant anymore. I never
said they were all happy lessons. I learned that I love Amanda
Waddell!! I think she was the person I really got to know over this
trip and she is awesome! I learned that I will miss people back home,
and ones that I didn't even expect to miss. I learned that I want a
palace...maybe even the Alhambra. I learned that Cathedrals are
boring...lol. I learned that I want to visit Germany really bad and
maybe even learn some. I learned that the gay community in America is
200000 times better than the one in Europe...they suck, and not in the
good way. I learned that you shouldnt run into the beach with
jeans...they get wet. I learned that I can do a cross between a German
and Japanese accent. I learned that I will buy shoes that hurt my feet,
just cause their cute...so gay. I learned that gypsies are BAD PEOPLE.
I learned that Katie Rebuck and me have things in common...lol. And I
learned that I will miss Madrigals and how much its affected my life.
Here are some of my favorite pictures.
 | | |
| So first of all I want to thank EVERYONE who sent me birthday wishes, I
had a great birthday. Dinner at Olive Garden was an absolute blast and
the party afterwords was fun especially with a newbie drunk...lol. You
know who you are. I even got a birthday present after my birthday,
which was lunch with Dan. Which is what this post is mainly going to be
about.
On the car ride home, i just started thinking and I
don't know what to think anymore. If he reads my journal he'll see all
this, but I'm an open book anyways, so its all cool. I like him, I
think I really do like him. There are a couple of signs to me that I
do. Like there are things about him, which in the past I've scoffed or
even made fun of, but when I see them in him, I find them cute or
charming. Another reason is that I want to keep seeing him, he makes me
laugh and smile, you know how long its been since a boy made me smile.
And today at lunch he even made fun of me! Of Me! I do that to other
people, but I loved when he did it. See weird things that tell me I'm
not just making it up for the sake of liking somebody. And I hope your
all smiling at my middle school attempt to explain this, but I speak
the truth! And also he puts butterflies in my stomach, do you know how
long its been since that happened. Lets say middle school, when a girl
liked me and the only reason that excited me was because someone didn't
think I was gross. I have all these feelings that I didn't expect to
have. But I don't know if he feels the same way. Thats the killer. I
just don't know.
I refuse to be the loser that pines after
someone you can not have. I've done that before, with Drew. It was SAD,
and thats a capital SAD. All I wanted was to be loved, thats not a
crime, but I would force it in that "Oh here comes the weird kid sort
of way". When I got over Drew, I looked back and was absolutely
ashamed. I vowed from that day on that I would not be that kid anymore.
Hence why I never went after anyone again till Zach. And that was not
at all what I wanted, but it taught me a lot. Zach was the first person
I was ever with at all, in any sense, that was there with me. He saw me
and didn't look away in disgust, he saw the guy I was trying to be. The
fun nice guy that I wanted someone to see, he saw it, or at least I
hope he did. But we were too different and it wasn't right. But with
Dan, its a whole new ball game.
I feel like we get along and
that its going good, but am I wrong? I constantly ask myself is he into
me, am I catching the right vibes, was that a smile? IT DRIVES ME
CRAZY! I just want to be there sand have all these questions gone. I
want it to be me and him, with no uncomfortable "what ifs" in my head.
I must say I was a whole of a hell lot more comfortable today. The
first date was new and I was scarred to death, but this one was cool, I
was relaxed. I want to see him again, but I wonder if he wants the
same. I don't want to be rejected, but then who does. But I don't want
to keep playing a cat and mouse game, I want something more, something
real. But if he's not ready I would never push him into that. I learned
my lesson on that one. What I worry about the most is that he's waiting
for a sign from me, but I'm waiting for a sign from him. So if we both
keep waiting....whats gonna happen!? *Slams head on desk* This is new
and exciting but I don't know about the stress level. I know what I
want but I've never told him...maybe I should, aw hell I don't know.
What if I come saying all this shit and he comes back with "Oh I just
thought we were friends." Then I'm the stupid looking ass. Is it all
about playing it safe or taking chances, cause I'm afraid to take a
chance, but I'll do it! I will! I don't know whats happening...so
please don't ask me "Hey whats going on with that?" Cause I'm still
trying to figure it out. | | |
| So, like one day till my birthday people. I'm excited for my big
birthday dinner tomorrow, with the whole big (and by big I mean 10
people...lol) group. But I must say that I had an awesome night
tonight, going out to eat with just Andrea and Brian, where I even got
a little emotional. They are my family here, and I love them dearly. It
was like the chill family dinner that I so needed. Life has got crazy
yet again, and I think my body sensed it. Cause the past two days I
didn't make it to my classes, Thursday because I set my alarm for PM
instead of AM, and Friday it felt like someone took my head and stomach
through a grinder. I think Fridays was because of stress, but I just
dont know. But this has been one crazy birthday week, Tuesday I had a
date...I KNOW RIGHT. That happens like once in a blue moon. When I met
him with the knowledges that we wanted to meet me, I wanted to make
sure it wasnt some sting by the conservative right or the KKK or
something, I'm a powerful gay I know their after me. His name was Dan
and he was really nice, I had a really good time. Even though I
wouldn't shut up! I noticed that night that I talk a whole damn lot.
Again I'm my mother's clone. If you want the details just ask, I'll
tell you. I'm a bragger especially about dates cause they only seem to
happen close to as many times as Oprah give a real hug (Will and Grace
fans will get that one). Oh and on a Will and Grace note, did anyone
watch the part where they showed the Final Episodes...OMG, what is with
Grace proposing??? I heard about the Smallville episode too...I was so
right. Well next year I am FO SHO living with Andrea and Brian, and I
really couldn't be happier. After talking to them I got really excited
and it really is the best fit. I cant wait, I also cant wait for Andrea
to get out of that apartment she's in now. Yeah for family's that you
create yourself, cause I think sometimes they are stronger than the
real ones. I've been thinking alot the last couple of days about
everything in my life, and I'm ready to move on. I see all my friends
finding love and even getting married. Some are even having or at least
trying to have kids! I think thats awesome that people my age or a
little older are going to be starting families soon! I want that....I
really do. I want love and a family more than anything. I want to stop
being a kid and be an adult. I mean I'm turning 22 and what I'm
realizing is that being a kid is over. I mean I'll always be a kid at
heart, but I need to shape up, and become a grown up. And I want to be
a grown up. Andrea was talking about how at her internship the kids
look at her as a grown up and asking her if she's married and stuff
like that. When she said that it really hit me....I'm a grown up. High
school kids are not my age anymore, they would have to call me Mr.
Hanna if I went there....SO WEIRD! I'm not Mr. Hanna, I'm cool with the
kids Josh, if anything I'm Mr. Josh, not Mr. Hanna. I'm not my father.
I remember when I was 15 and thought this was old...oh lord. I'm now
only 8 years away from 30. They'll only get less. But all in all I want
to settle down SOON. My Mom keeps telling me not to tie myself and do
the things I want to do, but I think I've done all that. I mean I would
love to run to New York and try to be and actor...but that isnt
rational or even smart thinking. As I get older I think that I want to
be a Dad and a partner to someone more than that. I want a kid, plain
and simple, and I dont want to raise him or her alone, I want the kid
to have two parents. Thats the plain and simple truth, I want to be in
love with my husband with a kid. Have a job and come home and cook
dinner and put in on the table with the man I love to my right and the
child I love to my left. Now if my job was a sitcom actor and home was
in LA, I wouldn't complain  Life is truckin along, there are always
bumps along the way but I realize that I always will come to the light
at the end of the tunne | | |
| Birthday Survey!!
In how many days in your birthday? 2 days
How old will you be? 22....I'm so old
Would
you change the date of your birthday? Well yeah, it sometimes lands on
Super bowl Sunday or its all snowy and you cant do anything.
Is there something you really want? Yes, I want to be happy but I also want the things that I'm worried about to work out.
Who
do you most want to share your birthday with? Well I have to have
Andrea there, cause what's a birthday without my twin. But I also hate
having a birthday celebration without Donna J!
Where do you most
want to go on your birthday? Well I love the Olive Garden, but if one
was close I would love to go to Dave and Busters
Where were you born? Washpa (washington, PA)
Do you know at what time? No, but my Mom says it was long enough
What
was the best birthday gift you ever got? Thats a toughy, I have to say
that Donna getting me the Charlie Brown specials was really good.
What is your favorite kind of birthday cake? Dairy Queen Ice Cream Cake!!! OMFG!!!
What has been the best birthday party you have had? My 21st for sure! It was a 2 day celebration with all the people I love.
Will this one be better? It will be a close second, it had the chance to be better, but I dont see that happening.
Describe
your dream birthday party? Actually my dream birthday party is like the
ones on Friends where all kind of cooky stuff happens.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! 
The Basic Stuff
Name? Joshua Robert Hanna
Age? 21....soon to be 22
Height? 6' 3"
Weight? Over 200
Birthday? January 29, 1984
Birthplace? Washpa
Current Location? Shippensburg, PA
School/Grade? College, Senior Year
Zodiac Sign? Aquarius
Chinese Zodiac Sign? Some animal
Righty or Lefty? Right
Haircolor? Dark Brown
Eyecolor? Blue
Skin Color? I'm a cracker
About You
What's Your Family Situation (Parents, Siblings, etc)? I'm an only child, with 2 parents.
Any Pets? My parents have two cats that are stupid as all hell
If So What Are They? Sam and Chloe
Favorite Relative? I dont have favorites, but it would be Nicole
Least Favorite Relative? Um, thats so rude...Granny, but she's dead
What's Your Heritage/Race? I dont really know, my mom is on this Irish kick, so maybe that. I think we're German too.
Political Affilation? I hate politics.org
Love & Sex
Sexuality? Gayer than a clutch purse at Tony night
Are You In A Relationship Now? NO
If So, With Whom?
For How Long?
Are You In Love? No
Do You Have A Crush On Anyone? Kinda
Ever Had A Crush On Someone Of The Same Sex? No....what the fuck?
How Old Were You When You Had Your First Kiss? Um, too old
Virgin? Not in the full sense of the word
If Not, How Old Were You When You Had Sex For The First Time? 21
Was It Enjoyable? Yes
What's The Farthest You've Ever Gone? Um everything before the sticking it in part
Where Do You Most Like To Be Kissed? My mouth
Best Love Quote? "Love stinks! Yeah Yeah" Wedding Singer makes me happy.
Your Friends
Best? Um, my twin Andrea Dippner
How Many Do You Have? Friends, a good bit
More Guys Or Girls? Now a days its pretty even
Love Them All? No
Any You Wish You Were Closer To? Yeah a little bit
Oldest? Chad Henry
Newest? Nick Ray
Pen Pal? Nope
Friends And Words: Associate Them
Pen: Beth
Flower: Kristen
Pink: Not Andrea
Window: Brian
Heart: Hope
Mother: Andrea
Bread: Me
Insane: Brian
Sunglasses: Bono
Pimp: Darius
Cross: Donna
Lonely: Me
Car: Brian
Music: Darius
This Or That
Boxers or Briefs? Boxer Briefs...haha
Thongs or G-Strings? Neither
Shorts or Pants? Pants
Shoes or Barefeet? Shoes
Books or Movies? Movies
Night or Day? Night
Dark or Light? Light
Mountains or Beach? Dont know
Snow or Sun? SUN
Pepsi or Coke? Coke
Guys or Girls? Guys
Swim or Surf? Swim
For or Against
Gay Marriage? Against homos are bad
Abortion? Against expect in extreme cases
Bush Getting Re-elected? Well he's an idiot, but as Margaret Cho says "With him at least I know he's gonna fuck it up"
Suicide? Um, against....what kinda question is that!?
War? Against. except when its a necessity, like in WW2 when the Japanese bombed us
Pants? For, Pants are good
Clothes In General? For, unless your having sex
Penises? FOR FOR FOR
Favorites
Color? Blue and Red
Number? 13
Holiday? Christmas
Season? Fall and Spring
Movie? Mel Brooks movies, Mean Girls, Star Wars, The Birdcage
Book? Harry Potter, Chris Rice books, Beloved
Magazine? OUT
Food? Italian UM!, And good old country cookin Paula Deen style
Drink? Alcoholic: Mudslides, Whiskey Sours, Appletinis. Non Alcoholic: Mountain Dew
TV Show? WILL AND GRACE
Song? Out Tonight from Rent, and I am Changing from Dreamgirls. But also Pleasure Principle by Janet Jackson
Band? Destiny's Child
Computer Game? The Sims
Video Game? Final Fantasy
Anime/Manga? No thank you!
Shirt? Two: Band Camp Blows and I Love Football (With the girls on it, I love irony)
Pants? My Drill jeans
Actor? I dont know
Actress? Madeline Kahn, Megan Mullally. Rachel McAdams
Singer? Janet Jackson, and Idina Menzell
Flower? I dont like flowers
Scent? Tommy
Animal? A pug puppy
Cookie? Chocolate Chip
The Future
Want To Go To College? I want to go to Grad School
What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up? Well a counselor for College GBLT
Want To Get Married? YES!
Want To Have Kids? YES!
What Would Their Names Be? Owen
How Many? 1 but I could have more
Where Do You Want To Live? Suburbs
Where Do You Want To Get Married? Somewhere private like a mountain or a secluded beach, like the celebs do!
How Do You Want To Die? I dont like that question
More Stuff About You
Piercings? None
Tattoos? None
Smoke? Nope
Drink? Yesum
Do Drugs? Nope
Skinny Dip? Once
Greatest Fear? Being like Alone, alone
Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate
Go To Church? No
Religion? Chirstian
Scars? I dont think I have any except for that cinder
CDs Owned? Like 500 or so
Collections? Friends on DVD, Will and Grace on DVD
Like To Be Naked? No
Ever Eaten Sushi? No, never would
An Entire Case Of Oreos? No....yes
Been On Stage? YES LOVE IT
Danced In The Rain? And sang singing in the rain, oh I think so
Kissed Someone Of The Same Sex? Yes its the best
Weirdest Dream? Andrea killing me
Best Dream? Not gonna say
Saddest Dream? My Mom dying
Dream You Most Wish Would Come True? Not gonna say
Think You're Attractive? Not really, I have the best personality though
Shoplifted? I think when I was little
Been Caught "Doing Something"? Yes
Weirdest Makeout Place? A bathroom
Like Thunderstorms? Yes
Favorite Shoes? Adidas or American Eagle
Favorite Quote? "They've turned their back on homosexuals, and not in the good way" -Karen Walker
Best Advice Given? Be you, out and proud
Worst Advice Given? Hit them!
Favorite Song Lyric? I dont have one
What Quote Says Most About Your Life? Why is my life a sitcom
Glad This Is Over? No, I love surveys! | | |
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